The Quest for Acceptance

Diversity of any kind is an important quality of any community and I strongly agree that its imperative to have different perspectives of life, but what happens when your own view of yourself becomes lost and distorted in a wave of loneliness and rejection from all walks of life. Since I can remember I have always face and dealt with the quest for acceptance. I have to admit that the past 14 years of my life have been a very uneasy journey internally for me! Some days I come home questioning and wondering why am I here? Why can't I imagine myself letting go of this judgmental and cruel world? Why do I find it hard for me to love myself? Why do find it hard to live and breathe and to step out as an individual? Im tired of being the door mat! Im tired of giving my all when all I get in return is a slap in the face and a kick in the ass. Im tired of not having a voice when I need it! Im tired of hiding my true feelings because I know mainstream Black America cant deal! Im tired of being tired and Im reaching out for help but all I see is tears blurring my vision, blurring my dreams, blurring my problem solver! I will continue walking on my quest for acceptance, hell I already walked a thousand miles while everyone was asleep and I will walk a million more until I find out what this shit means!!!! But hopefully I wont be walking all my life!

Speak Over Yourself

These past two days my colleagues and I have really been in the trenches. We have been fighting battles with our students, fighting battles with our employer, and fighting battles in our personal lives. With our economy in a shit hole it should have come as now surprise that DCPS was going to make a round of budget cuts and lay-off teachers and staff. Although I have been reassured that my job is not at stake you still can't help but worry! After work today I visited a friend who like many of us young adults are struggling trying to make the ends meet. Two out of my three best friends are having trails and tribulations. It hurts me to see them breakdown into tears as they wonder "when is my season of rain going to come?" This is the time more than ever that we have to not only lean on our faith and each other, but also lean ourselves, encourage ourselves. Donald Lawrence made an absolutely wonderful song that ministers to this very topic. Encouraging yourself may at times when you're really going through seems dumb but this past summer I had my little trial and everyday I spoke encouragement to myself and let me tell you its a hard thing to do when you live in the society the sets you up to syke yourself out. But not matter what you're going through just look in the mirror and speak over yourself, motivate yourself, whisper love on to yourself.  Try it you might find an outlet for your pain and some healing in the process. 

Man of the Week

This week's pick is the cute and sexxxy Adam Rodriguez who I saw doing his thing in the new Tyler Perry movie "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" 

Round Midnight

Its amazing yet interesting how people have these epiphanies and sometimes life altering moments late in the midnight hour. Around 12:47 last night as I sat and graded papers, I had this tug on my heart and mind. The weird thing is at first I really didn't know what it was all about. Earlier that day I had been doing a lot of thinking about everything that was going on in my life. But at 12:47 one of those thoughts just seemed to dominate my mind. I knew eventually that this point would come but I didn't think it would happen so soon because when you're young you think the world is your foot stool. But life quickly puts you back into place. I have a weakness, a strong-hold that has burdened my mind and heart. Never before had I looked at it as weakness but round midnight the midst had cleared and the veld lifted. I wish a plan of action had followed that little revelation; hey may be it will come tonight, who knows?

It begins to tell, round midnight

midnight

I do pretty well, till after sundown;

suppertime I'm feelin sad,

but it really gets bad

round midnight!

WTF!! Knaye

Kanye should be ashamed of himself! Lately Kanye has been falling off the deep end and each every time we see him he continues to sink deeper. Its amazing the shit people do to get 30 seconds and I bet you any amount of money that he had it all worked out in that circle-crop head of his just so we could have something to say about him today. Well Kanye you got your wish and the top spot on the covers of almost every newspaper after his sudden remarks at the VMAs last night in New York City. Although Mr. West may not have it all up there at least his does have a conscience and the decency to apologize. And poor little Taylor standing up there looked like she had scene a ghost (she already pale though), man the whole situation was just pure madness.

A speaking of madness, the whole the damn VMA show was a mess! Now granted it was 10x better than the BET awards but still it was like a circus. Lady GaGa walking around looking like a hot tamale and bird's nest, the host was tad bit strange, every other word out of the people's mouth on the stage was a cuss word, and then you have this random side stage for Kid Cudi and Wale and then have all these no name White bands perform every break chance you get which I think was so not kool! (How you do Cleveland like that?!??!) and then you have Joe Jackson there the kraziest man of them all!!!

The night did have some highlights like Janet Jackson's tribute, Pink flipping in the air, my girl B rockin it out to Single Ladies and then turning around giving Taylor here time to shine after it was cut from her (that was so sweet), and lastly although I didn't think it should have been the closing performance the Jay-Z & Alicia Keys calibration was kinda hot to me.

Overall the VMAs provided me and my French friend some great entertainment while we graded papers. Gosh don't you love America?!??!

Growing Pains

For the past couple of months I have been experiencing some pains. At first they were indescribable but as time went on I begin to realize that I was experiencing the growing pains of life. The whole transition from undergrad to back to Ohio, to finding a place to live in DC, to preparing for this fellowship program, plus teaching and some other crap! Let's just say I've been a man on a thousand missions, but in the back of my mind I am tired and overwhelmed on these missions. I put a smile on my face and press on but after today's events I realized that life is a down-right BITCH! We all have these dreams of how when we first moved out on our own what life would be like, and lets just say I am only meeting 2 out of my like 10 expectations! But you know those are the growing pains that we all go through and that is something I am finding out each and everyday. I walk around DC and see hundreds of people looking like they have it together including myself but you never know what's going on underneath. Although today's events totally had me blown, I'm still a very blessed young man. Mama said there will be days like this but from my last post the beauty of today is that it will become yesterday. I am glad for my growing pains because its making me a stronger individual sometimes I wish they weren't as frequent but the PROGRESS IS BEAUTIFUL!

Just A Thought

In light and remembrance of the 9/11 attacks here is just a thought we all can live by.

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of those days is yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with all its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and its poor performance; tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does we have no stake in tomorrow, for its yet to be born. This leaves only one day, today. Any person can fight the battle of just one day. It is when you and I add the burdens of those awful eternities yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of today that drives a person mad, it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happended yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore live but one day at a time!

Man of the Week

After a short and stressful week I came home and turned on the box to find my man of the week. Demarco Majors from the Logo mini-series Shirts & Skins. He is definitely one of my favorites!

The Black Male Teacher: An Endangered Species

One day a friend of mine forwarded me a discussion blog. The question asked was how do we get more Black male teachers? Current dialogue among Black Congressional members state the scare numbers of Black male teachers in public schools. As a new Black male teacher I felt that I would shed some light to the reasons why I became a teacher here is my response.

This is a very passionate topic for me since I,myself have embarked on the journey of teaching the youth of the District of Columbia. There is a deficiency of Black male teachers everywhere, that is a very true and real statement. It is not to say that Black males do not exist within the educational system but their role is not in the classroom instructing it is either administrative or coaching. The power of the presence of Black males in urban schools can make a world of difference. Time and time again you hear about the achievement gap and how wide its spreading. Our Black and Hispanic children are the ones who are suffering because, one: there are ineffective teachers who do not create a culture of achievement or set rigorous academic goals due to stereotypes or negative past interactions; and secondly, there is no mirror image of them standing in the front of the classroom.

Most of my students read below their grade level and have a math computation level equal to 6 and 7 graders. Question is are they at fault for their lack of gateway skills? The answer is to some degree yes due to other circumstances, but the bulk of the failure falls upon their previous teachers!

As educated Black men sometimes we forget the struggles we had to overcome in order to get where we are, especially in the classroom. Why not give back and help another brother achieve as well? There is a difference between being a mentor and being a teacher. A mentor is a wonderful resources but they are not the ones who are in the trenches 5 days a weeks 6-7 hours a day. That is a lot of time to influence the lives our young children. A teacher is more than a teacher, sometimes we act as a mentor, counselor,a social worker, a shoulder to cry on, and even a cheering squad and we have to balance all of that while trying to create rigorous, engaging, standard-based lessons, follow the protocol of school bureaucracy and deal with our own personal lives. Teaching is not easy but it is rewarding and most rewarding for our Black males when they can see another Black male spitting knowledge other than the hottest rap song and modeling a culture of professionalism and achievement.

So why become a teacher? One reason is to train the future’s next critical thinkers who are committed to life-long learning; who embrace multiculturalism and tolerance for all individuals no matter what socioeconomic, educational, or geographic background they may come from or encounter. Another reason is to be a positive consistent force in our Black students' life. Another reason is to reclaim our youth and redirect them to something better than the perils of the street. But more importantly, there is nothing greater than feeling like you are needed, that you have made a difference in the lives of not just 1 but dozens and maybe even hundreds of dozens. You have the ability to mold another productive son, daughter, brother, sister, cousin, uncle, aunt, father, mother and citizen of the United States.

There are programs who are recruiting highly qualified men to teach. Currently I am DC Teaching Fellow which provides me with a network of resources ranging from professional development to even paying off my debts. There are teaching programs like that everywhere in the U.S. (Baltimore, Philadelphia, Chicago, New York, Miami, Houston) Also schools across the country are paying for teachers to increase their credentials and earn degrees at little to no cost. There are award programs, incentives, and resources for teachers. Teaching is one of the world's oldest and most respected professions. I encourage you to seriously think about it. You never know what you are capable of doing.Time and chance come to us all, the time is now to make a difference. The classroom is the foreground in which chance and change meet, all that remains is one question; are you willing to accept the challenge? My answer with steadfast confidence is yes, I am ready to accept the challenge.

In the words of Roland Martin, "That's my perspective, what's yours?!?!?"

Thank You Mr. President

Thousands tuned in, including my class to watch President Obama give his back to school pep talk in NOVA. Like so many I was truly interested in hearing what words of encouragement the President had to offer even in the midst of the controversy surrounding his visit. So we geared up the computer screen and pressed play. Two minutes in one of my students said, "man this is some bullshit!" In disbelief of his sudden outburst, I ask my student what was the issue? He continues and says: "Mr. H this is whack! Why we got to see him give a speech to some kids who really don't need it! We live in the same city with the man but he didn't come speak at any of our schools when started school! He ain't nothing but talk!"

With in seconds the rest of my students shook their heads in agreement, and to some degree so did I. DC public schools have been in session now for 3 weeks; now granted President Obama may have been traveling when the first day of school hit the District but it is amazing how the very constituents of the city he lives in feel slighted. Today's symbol of change and "Yes We Can" has now become nothing more than another Black man with plenty of promises but no actions in the eyes of my students. I still have 100% faith in our President and think he is very capable but how do I rekindle that faith in my students?

Its hard to especially when you're dealing with students who have lost hope due to being lied to, hurt, abandoned, isolated, and disenfranchised educationally and economically. Instead of watching the rest of the broadcast we spent the rest of the period reflecting on the comment as well as another activity. I really do empathize with my students and although they give me hell some days they have been some of the most helpful critics. I do appreciate the President for taking the time to inspire the youth. Hopefully I can try it again and help them realize the importance, positivity, and overall the reality of life that yes, there are disappointments but don't let your disappointments dictate your outlook at a better life.

If you missed the the speech check it out on:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wpdyn/content/story/2009/09/08/ST2009090801382.html?sid=ST2009090801382

Go Tell It On The Mountain

October 10 & 11 join hundreds of supporters, friends, and member of the LGBT community here in DC as we march for equality.

Our One Single Demand:
Equal protection in all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states. We will accept no less and will work until it is achieved. Equality Across America exists to support grassroots organizing in all 435 Congressional Districts to achieve full equality.

Equal Protection encompasses many issues, including:

1. Repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) so that every marriage in every state has the same federal rights.
2. Repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell so that LGBT persons may serve in the military openly and with the same rights as their straight counterparts.
3. An end to workplace discrimination for everyone with an Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) that protects everyone.
4. The right to adopt children and raise families like any other parents.
5. Hate Crimes legislation that includes LGBT people and protects us like any other targeted group.
6. Immigration reform that recognizes same-sex couples and ends the needless separation of families.
7. A comprehensive anti-bullying policy in our schools via the Safe Schools Improvement Act.

For More info checkout: http://equalityacrossamerica.org

Be sure to spread the Word!

A Heart-Felt Intro...

When all else fails, just write!

Write until someone hears you!

Write now,

Write tomorrow,

Write forever!

And with those very words, thats what I intend to do. I have been quiet for far too long and even when I do speak I feel like a shadow in the background no matter how loudly I speak. So I had to take it back to one of my childhood past times. Writing has always been an outlet for many of us and sometimes we lose sight of that, I know I did! So starting today you are about to get a piece of me. A piece that has been locked and hidden under cobwebs and dust. Yesterday a friend reminded me that I have some shit to say and if others can do why can't I? And you know what she was absolutely right! In all respects what I post here is nothing more than the lyrical thoughts from my heart. With each in every post I hope to dust away the cobwebs and allow not only you to see the picture but me as well!

Welcome to a journey!

Welcome to my journey!

Welcome to the musical prelude of HeartSoulja!