The Quest for Acceptance

Diversity of any kind is an important quality of any community and I strongly agree that its imperative to have different perspectives of life, but what happens when your own view of yourself becomes lost and distorted in a wave of loneliness and rejection from all walks of life. Since I can remember I have always face and dealt with the quest for acceptance. I have to admit that the past 14 years of my life have been a very uneasy journey internally for me! Some days I come home questioning and wondering why am I here? Why can't I imagine myself letting go of this judgmental and cruel world? Why do I find it hard for me to love myself? Why do find it hard to live and breathe and to step out as an individual? Im tired of being the door mat! Im tired of giving my all when all I get in return is a slap in the face and a kick in the ass. Im tired of not having a voice when I need it! Im tired of hiding my true feelings because I know mainstream Black America cant deal! Im tired of being tired and Im reaching out for help but all I see is tears blurring my vision, blurring my dreams, blurring my problem solver! I will continue walking on my quest for acceptance, hell I already walked a thousand miles while everyone was asleep and I will walk a million more until I find out what this shit means!!!! But hopefully I wont be walking all my life!

Speak Over Yourself

These past two days my colleagues and I have really been in the trenches. We have been fighting battles with our students, fighting battles with our employer, and fighting battles in our personal lives. With our economy in a shit hole it should have come as now surprise that DCPS was going to make a round of budget cuts and lay-off teachers and staff. Although I have been reassured that my job is not at stake you still can't help but worry! After work today I visited a friend who like many of us young adults are struggling trying to make the ends meet. Two out of my three best friends are having trails and tribulations. It hurts me to see them breakdown into tears as they wonder "when is my season of rain going to come?" This is the time more than ever that we have to not only lean on our faith and each other, but also lean ourselves, encourage ourselves. Donald Lawrence made an absolutely wonderful song that ministers to this very topic. Encouraging yourself may at times when you're really going through seems dumb but this past summer I had my little trial and everyday I spoke encouragement to myself and let me tell you its a hard thing to do when you live in the society the sets you up to syke yourself out. But not matter what you're going through just look in the mirror and speak over yourself, motivate yourself, whisper love on to yourself.  Try it you might find an outlet for your pain and some healing in the process. 

Man of the Week

This week's pick is the cute and sexxxy Adam Rodriguez who I saw doing his thing in the new Tyler Perry movie "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" 

Round Midnight

Its amazing yet interesting how people have these epiphanies and sometimes life altering moments late in the midnight hour. Around 12:47 last night as I sat and graded papers, I had this tug on my heart and mind. The weird thing is at first I really didn't know what it was all about. Earlier that day I had been doing a lot of thinking about everything that was going on in my life. But at 12:47 one of those thoughts just seemed to dominate my mind. I knew eventually that this point would come but I didn't think it would happen so soon because when you're young you think the world is your foot stool. But life quickly puts you back into place. I have a weakness, a strong-hold that has burdened my mind and heart. Never before had I looked at it as weakness but round midnight the midst had cleared and the veld lifted. I wish a plan of action had followed that little revelation; hey may be it will come tonight, who knows?

It begins to tell, round midnight

midnight

I do pretty well, till after sundown;

suppertime I'm feelin sad,

but it really gets bad

round midnight!

WTF!! Knaye

Kanye should be ashamed of himself! Lately Kanye has been falling off the deep end and each every time we see him he continues to sink deeper. Its amazing the shit people do to get 30 seconds and I bet you any amount of money that he had it all worked out in that circle-crop head of his just so we could have something to say about him today. Well Kanye you got your wish and the top spot on the covers of almost every newspaper after his sudden remarks at the VMAs last night in New York City. Although Mr. West may not have it all up there at least his does have a conscience and the decency to apologize. And poor little Taylor standing up there looked like she had scene a ghost (she already pale though), man the whole situation was just pure madness.

A speaking of madness, the whole the damn VMA show was a mess! Now granted it was 10x better than the BET awards but still it was like a circus. Lady GaGa walking around looking like a hot tamale and bird's nest, the host was tad bit strange, every other word out of the people's mouth on the stage was a cuss word, and then you have this random side stage for Kid Cudi and Wale and then have all these no name White bands perform every break chance you get which I think was so not kool! (How you do Cleveland like that?!??!) and then you have Joe Jackson there the kraziest man of them all!!!

The night did have some highlights like Janet Jackson's tribute, Pink flipping in the air, my girl B rockin it out to Single Ladies and then turning around giving Taylor here time to shine after it was cut from her (that was so sweet), and lastly although I didn't think it should have been the closing performance the Jay-Z & Alicia Keys calibration was kinda hot to me.

Overall the VMAs provided me and my French friend some great entertainment while we graded papers. Gosh don't you love America?!??!

Growing Pains

For the past couple of months I have been experiencing some pains. At first they were indescribable but as time went on I begin to realize that I was experiencing the growing pains of life. The whole transition from undergrad to back to Ohio, to finding a place to live in DC, to preparing for this fellowship program, plus teaching and some other crap! Let's just say I've been a man on a thousand missions, but in the back of my mind I am tired and overwhelmed on these missions. I put a smile on my face and press on but after today's events I realized that life is a down-right BITCH! We all have these dreams of how when we first moved out on our own what life would be like, and lets just say I am only meeting 2 out of my like 10 expectations! But you know those are the growing pains that we all go through and that is something I am finding out each and everyday. I walk around DC and see hundreds of people looking like they have it together including myself but you never know what's going on underneath. Although today's events totally had me blown, I'm still a very blessed young man. Mama said there will be days like this but from my last post the beauty of today is that it will become yesterday. I am glad for my growing pains because its making me a stronger individual sometimes I wish they weren't as frequent but the PROGRESS IS BEAUTIFUL!

Just A Thought

In light and remembrance of the 9/11 attacks here is just a thought we all can live by.

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of those days is yesterday with all its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone forever.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with all its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and its poor performance; tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does we have no stake in tomorrow, for its yet to be born. This leaves only one day, today. Any person can fight the battle of just one day. It is when you and I add the burdens of those awful eternities yesterday and tomorrow that we break down.

It is not the experience of today that drives a person mad, it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happended yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore live but one day at a time!