Hold On... You Will Be Strong

Wow! Its been a while since I have even thought about posting another blog on here. Some where in the midst of my trails and tribulations, Music From The Heart kind of fell to the wayside. But today, May 4, 2011 at 1:30pm; something compelled me to to open my heart and to let it flow. As I sit here and type I feel better already knowing that, first I have taken my worries to the Lord and left them at the alter. And secondly, that by sharing I feel some healing.

I am 6 days shy of having been laid-off, 8 months ago from what I thought was greener pastures. 8 months ago if you would have told me that things were going to play out like this, I wouldn't believed you but like the old time saying goes: "If you want to make God laugh, just tell Him your plans." Many know and have heard my stories about teaching in DC Public Schools, especially my adventures of teaching alternative teenagers. The hills and valleys were a learning experience but I never thought that I would ever be laid-off; me, the winner of an Excellence in First Year teaching award. That made me think that I was immune to being laid-off. WRONG! Hardship and gray seasons, knows everyone's name.

So after packing up my classroom after what I thought would be a better school year than the one before, I received a measly severance pay and quickly filed for unemployment. My severance pay covered my September bills and a few of October's but I needed a plan of action to sustain myself. Unemployment was taking their sweet ass time and I had began my search for another job. I wanted to stay in the education field so I applied everywhere that was education-related. No luck. October rolled by and November was knocking, I had not received unemployment nor did I find a job.

I started doing little side hustles and got a little coins here and there but not enough to cover an almost $1000 rent, car note, car insurance, and some other miscellaneous bills. I was running low on food so I decide to apply for food stamps. I continued to wait for some help to pay my bills mainly my rent. My parents really couldn't help me, they had their own affairs to handle. I prayed and prayed, cried, prayed and tried to stay encouraged. Finally a week before Thanksgiving there sitting in my mailbox was a check from the unemployment office that could cover my rent and then some for 2 months (Talk about He may not come when you want Him, but He'll be there right on time).

I was able to hustle and get some of my bills placed in hardship crisis which bought me some time. Daily I would get up pray, read the Bible, and look for jobs. I would do some volunteering here and there, as well as a few side gigs. But I was still coming up short. I received my first eviction notice 15 days before Christmas. (Merry Christmas) I tried to be optimistic on the outside but inside I was a wreck. But always remember the Lord will never leave or forsake you. My rent was paid 6 days before Christmas.

This pattern of stressing and worrying mixed and matched with blessing and favor continued even till now. Since I had some bad experiences with teaching, I decided that maybe I should try and purse something different. My mother had hounded me to go to med school but I knew deep down that it wasn't for me, but I pursed it anyway. I enrolled in a Masters program at Georgetown University School of Medicine to get a glimpse of what the M.D. program would be like. I hated it!! But it did give me something to do to pass time, until it started becoming a burden and stressing me out.

Around the time I started at Georgetown, my food stamps had been reduced to $16 a month and most of my unemployment went to my bills. I had a bad break up with my than boyfriend. I also ran into some legal troubles and that added a new mix to my already complicated existence. Also my relationship with my mother was becoming more and more strained and I had also received my second eviction notice. Things were just not going well. But I still maintained and kept my faith.

Than it happened. I was running myself into the ground. I wasn't eating because I was able to go grocery shopping, the stress of taking 15 credit in a science masters was getting to me, on top of trying to find a job, hustle to pay bills, and then I got sick with no health insurance (Great)! I felt alone, discourage, and forsaken. You try to seek encouragement for your friends, but they can only do so much because they really don't know what you're going through. My parents understood but they are over 350 miles away. So I just broke down one night and the Lord saw and hear my tears. I was a complete wreck.

However in the midst of my trails and tribulations, the Lord has blessed me and kept me. Although it has been very hard I still have a roof over my head. I have gone days even weeks with no food but I still have been fed. I have great connections that have allowed me to take some breaks and go to an opera and a play for free. Everything I needed, the Lord has supplied it. It's May 4, 2011, and I am 6 days away from being unemployed for 8 months but after 215 job applications, 6 odd and end hustle jobs, a lapse in my unemployment, bill collectors, eviction notices, and some headaches, I am 42 days away from starting a new position at a charter school as a middle school science teacher where my salary is $10,000 more than my last job. They are also planning to pay for me to go get my masters in Curriculum and Instruction which will help in my career goals. And remember, those legal problems, God is so good that He had them dismissed from court.

I don't know who I might be talking to or who has endured or going through the same or similar trails. I am not a preacher or a prophet, I am just a witness and believer in the living God. I have a testimony. And although I may not be out of the forest just yet, I know that I have been through too much not to worship Him and trust in Him to carry me all the way. I still get discourage and down. I have cried more tears that I have ever had. But, (and thank God for the but) I know that if you hold on, be patient, and faithful, God will be more than faithful to you. My test, my trails, my struggles, have made me an even stronger Christian and an even stronger man. I have learned invaluable lessons that no textbook could teach or no preacher can preach.

Stay encouraged, have faith, and believe you will overcome. The human race have been overcoming and surviving for centuries. Hold on... You Will be Strong.

Now that's music from the heart.

Ujamaa- Cooperative Economics

You can only become truly accomplished at something you love. Don't make money your goal. Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can't take their eyes off you.

- Maya Angelou

Cooperative economics is to build and maintain our own stores, shops, and other businesses, and to profit from them collectively.

We as a community should pride ourselves in building wealth that will benefit the greater good.

As a community, we should invest in a solid foundation of education, healthcare, and agriculture.

With our investments in these areas, hopefully we will be able to build job security, quality over quantity, reassurance in the abilities of our people, and overall restore our faith in each and ourselves.

Ujima- Collective Work & Responsibility

Responsibility is the price for greatness.

-Winston Churchill

Collective work and responsibility, the power of many helps to build and maintain our community! We are responsible and accountable for not only our own individual actions but as a whole community, for we are a collective unit.

We take our neighbor's problems and make them our problems, in order to reach a positive solution.

In an era that prides itself on individuality, we have forgotten that unity builds a community and that that same unity is the very foundation in which our families, churches, and nations are formed upon.

On this night we are responsible for committing ourselves and holding each other accountable for striving towards a stronger community and race equipped to handle an ever-changing society.

A Touching Story

Unconditional love is hard to find nowadays but its out there. Summer 2008 Padma Soundararajan lost her mother, father, and her two teenage sisters to a head-on car accident in India during a family visit. Padma now 30 placed her life on hold to care for her two brothers, one with autism and the other one who has serve cerebral palsy. Rather than to abandon her brothers and leave them in the care of others, Padma has taken on being the second mother. Although it is not easy, with the help of friends and neighbors, coupled with a strong love for family; The Soundararajans are living and thriving well in southern Maryland. Read the this touching story by following the link:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/26/AR2009122601742.html?hpid=dynamiclead

Kujichagulia- Self-Determination

See first that the design is wise and just; that ascertained, purse it resolutely.

- William Shakespeare

Self-determination means to define ourselves, name ourselves, create for ourselves, and speak for ourselves.

We are accountable for speaking over our own reality, for uplifting our spirit to achieve!

God gave us a name, it is up to us to define what that name will mean in this world.

It is our duty to make known unto ourselves, our niche, in our family, community, and race.

Today we need reflect on our defining mark in this world and plan accordingly for the upcoming year.

How are we perceived? How do we want to be perceived?

What will we do to create the image we envision for ourselves and our children?

Man of the Week

This dark-chocolate man of the week is Atlanta Falcons Fullback Ovie Mughelli

Umoja- Unity

The Strongest bond of human Sympathy outside the family relation, should be one uniting working people of all nations, tongues, and kindreds.

-Abraham Lincoln

We should strive for and maintain unity within our family, community, nation, and race.

On this night we celebrate the commitments that we have made to those that will not only strengthen them, but more importantly, our own individual selves.

Tonight, we should renew our commitment to build a stronger people and a stronger nation! This year especially we have forgot that we cannot do everything by ourselves! Divided we achieve nothing and in the end all we do is hurt ourselves.

Tonight let us reflect on the unity which moved our ancestors from the valleys of despair to the mountain tops of glory.

Let us remember the power that we have together as one to slay the giants of poverty, homelessness, HIV/AIDS, abuse, molestation, rape, despair, poor education, and prejudice.

Let bind in unity to achieve!

Hat off to the Queens

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

to the Queen of Comedy Mo'Nique and rising star Gabourey Sidibe

for their Golden Globe Nominations

Life is hard. Life is short. Life is painful. Life is rich. Life is....Precious

The Power of One

" For a long time, we had officials who just posed all day, and I was determined to get things done." - David A. Catania

Tuesday December 15, 2009 marked a huge landmark for not only the GLBT community but for David Catania as well. The DC Council with a 11-2 to vote passed the same-sex marriage bill which will allow hundreds of couples to enjoy the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts. This victory comes as a surprise in a city where conservatism still reigns over the hundreds of political pawns in the Chocolate city. However a person who should be proud of their hard-work and effort is David Catania. 12 years ago Catania, a Republican, was elected to the DC Council. 12 years ago no one including, Catania believed, that they would see the day when same-sex marriage would become a reality. At the age of 41 and now an member of the Independent party, Catania with the help of thousands of supporters, have achieved what very few Metropolitan cities wish they could do for their gay & lesbian constituents

So now what is to become of the bill and the city of DC? Now that the Council has passed the bill, Mayor Adrian Fenty has to sign the bill, which he has promised to sign before Christmas. After the Executive signature, the bill must go under a 30-day legislative review in order to become an official law and the 6th location in the United States to legalize same-sex marriage. True, this is a milestone but there still is more work to be done and barriers to pass.

Analysts from the Office of the Chief Financial Officer estimates if the bill passes into law, that in the next 3-years over 10,000 same-sex couples could get married in the District; 2,000 of which are already Metropolitan residents. From those statistics the District could generate over $20 million dollars in same-sex marriages alone in one fiscal year! (Can we say pay increase maybe for District government workers?!?!?) Of course there is always backlash when it comes to matters such as same-sex marriage. Many organizations and religious leaders have spoken their distaste in the bill. The Archbishop has even threatened to end services to the homeless and poor in DC because of the same-sex bill. What the homeless and poor have to do with any of this, is the million-dollar question of the day!

At the end of the day rather you agree or disagree with same-sex marriage, from this story we can all learn the power of one. Catania, although at time his tactics were radical, he still pushed his and thousands of Americans' agenda to victory. Sometimes it only takes one catalyst to spark a whole reaction!

Man of the Week

This week is the cute and talented Trey Songz! From his mixtape to new album, Trigga has been serving it up lately to his customers!

Separate and Still NOT Equal

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal passed legislation that would allow Louisiana students to opt out of the state’s standard curriculum (with parental consent) and enroll into a lower education-intensive program. Portrayed as an avenue toward a high school diploma, it is segmenting a generation and forever excluding them from true prosperity. The alternative program described as a “Career Track” is designed to introduce these students to “blue collar” jobs that they would be eligible for immediately after high school. Students are not required to pass the state’s standardized test for the eighth grade nor are they required to display competence in English or Mathematics to be promoted to the ninth grade. In other words, we have an example of a state government that is more concerned with graduation rates than the quality of the diploma.

Why would a state pass legislation to prepare students for blue collar and low-level jobs that will not exist in 25-30 years? The lowered levels established to obtain this diploma would preclude that these students will not have the necessary skills to transition with the natural progression of our global economy which inevitably will leave them confined to the lower class. Commonsense would advocate increased parental involvement and have additional educational-support programs for struggling demographics to meet current educational standards. Granted this provides a solution to increase the graduation rate from 40% for black students, but to do so at the expense of our communities educational standards is a civil injustice.

In effect Gov. Jindal has decided that these students, current and future, will not aspire to achieve educational excellence beyond a high school diploma so he has given them an easy option. In addition, he has instituted intellectual class warfare on minority communities…and we are losing. If there was ever a sign to enact change, this is it. From the outside looking in one would think that if we settled for broken homes with absent fathers, a code in which respect is earned by the amount of time served in prison and an overall slow deterioration of black society then it would be no surprise that we would settle for lowered educational standards as well. Our history is filled with times that we have proven doubters wrong. This time I hope we challenge ourselves to step up and prove that we are better than what statistics state we are instead of doing what we are expected to do and literally dumb it down.

Man of the Week

Model: Chris Bernard

Failing Hearts in a Failing City

Rates of HIV/AIDS in DC is 10 times higher than the national average!

Since 2003, the Government of the District of Columbia has been trying to combat, education, and support the millions of known and unknown HIV/AIDS patients with in the metropolitan area. For about 10 months now, The Washington Post has been documenting and following the story of how non-profit organizations and other local business have abused and misappropriated funds. The Post reports one in three of DC's AIDS dollars earmarked for local groups in recent years went to organizations cited for falsified documentation, few or no clients, incomplete spending records or not running any AIDS programs whatsoever. And, while all is going down the residents of DC living with HIV/AIDS is still struggling and begging for adequate care and support. The stories that you read in the Post articles are breathe-taking, eye-opening, and scary! With all the talk about the overhaul of the our healthcare system its amazing how in the seat of our nation's government we can't even mange or even begin to mange the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

Here is a brief synopsis of this gripping piece of journalism:

Over ten months, the Washington Post analyzed the spending, services, and finances of every specialized AIDS organization funded by D.C.'s HIV/AIDS Administration from 2004-2008, an estimated 90 groups, building a database from tax returns, audits, lawsuits, real estate records, D.C. Council records, and corporate and police reports. The Post also obtained grant agreements, invoices and government correspondence for about 60 of these groups. The newspaper interviewed dozens of people with HIV or AIDS patients, their families and service provide

Check it out at:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/special/metro/aids-funding/index.html

Lady GaGa vs. Madonna...LOL

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When Will Love Conquer All?

Love,

you said you'd never go away

but your gone and, I'm right back where I used be

wondering if you were for me!

One of life's greatest mysteries is will we ever find true love? We search high and low looking for the "one" and when we do for some it marks the beginning of a beautiful journey, but for most of us when we find true love our journeys are marked with joy but the road is often rocky. Rather you are gay or lesbian or a straight interracial couple, your right to love, find love, or to express that love is ill-considered, injudicious, undesirable, just plain Wrong! You would have thought that after the landmark Loving v. Virginia, which declared the ending of race-based restrictions on marriage, that in 2009 a loving interracial couple would be denied to express their love in the beauty of marriage all because of some racist and insensitive bastards.

A representative from the National Black Justice Coalition states it best:

“Time and again we have seen public officials discriminate against loving, committed couples and claim that their discrimination is really motivated by concern for children. That justification is wrong when it’s used to deny marriage to a couple on the basis of their race. It’s wrong when it’s used to prevent committed gay and lesbian couples from being able to marry. And it’s our responsibility to speak out against it, whenever it happens.

“Every child who is a minority faces discrimination, exclusion and oppression at some point in their lives. It is actions like those of this state official – refusing to marry a loving couple because of personal prejudice – that perpetuate the discrimination and racism that continue to pervade our culture.

A speaking of children, there are thousands of children born to interracial parents who grow up to be strong, independent and productive citizens of the United States! HELO LOOK AT PRESIDENT OBAMA!!! I wonder what would happen if the shoe was on the other foot? If these racist and homophobia pricks were shunned because of who they loved? I just don't understand when will we look beyond race, gender, sexual orientation, or age and just see that we all in this beautiful struggle in the human condition. When will America start taking accountability for their actions and actually right their wrongs and live up to the notion that all men are created equal by their CREATOR, not by Keith Bardwell or Congress, or any other bastard! Hopefully one day the light will come to the darkness like an epiphany, and that at the end of the day love will conquer all!

Man of the Week

Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints can you say sexxxy chocolate!

Walk Talk

This past weekend was packed with not only fun but for a near and dear purpose to millions throughout the world. Hundreds of thousands, including myself and my best friend, painted DC rainbow as we all marched, walked, sang, and shouted for equality. Appearances by many figures in the LGBT community as well as President Obama and Lady GaGa showed up and showed out for the various events to promote equality for all not matter what race, gender, or sexual preference. Check out President Obama's address at the Human Rights Campaign National Dinner.

Man of the Week

I'm a little late but last week's man was of course none other than President Barack Obama. The man has got it going on. President, Noble Laureate, Cute what more can I, I mean Michele ask for.

The New Miseducation of the Negro

One of the most prominent Black historians of all time, Carter G. Woodson wrote a profound statement on Negro education entitled, The Miseducation of the Negro. Written over 70 years ago his belief was that Black Americans are indoctrinated, rather than taught, in American schools. This conditioning, he claims, causes African-Americans to become dependent and to seek out inferior places in the greater society of which they are a part. That was back in 1933 when the youth of America gave a damn about education. Fast forwarded to 2009 and you get a whole new set of Negroes and a whole new mindset. In my 8th week of fully being in the trenches as an American educator I have come to believe, at least from majority of my students and from other soldiers in the struggle and their students, today's youth especially the Negro child does not care to learn! As painful as it was for me to write that, it is sadly, the truth. I don't know what happened or how we came to this point as a community but it is a damn shame when most of my students say day in and day out: "man, school is boring why can't we learn about what we see on the tv?" "I ain't going to college!" "Why should I care about English, Science, and Math, what does that have to do with me?" I be listening to what you saying and get it too but I just don't care."

About a week ago I had a heated debate with an associate about how things have turned out here in DC public schools since its reduction in force. He said something that struck my nerve to the core, he said all students want to learn! Now deep down in my heart I want to be believe that but its just not true. Now I would modify that and say a handful of students in today's generation want to learn. Achievement is a function of effort not innate ability, meaning success is worked for not giving out right, until these kids understand that they will not realize the potential that they are born with. These are by far the most incompetent, most destructive, most disrespectful, non-working group of kids that I have ever met! There seems to be no moral or social system in place in these kids lives, and who is to blame? Where has the ball been dropped?

Most people want to put all of the blame and responsibility on the teachers and you know what that is definitely not true or fair. Teachers do factor into the equation but there are other variables that influence how these children behave! How about their parents and other family members? How about the communities, neighborhoods, and environments they live in? How about the negative images on tv? or better yet how about the students themselves? They are old enough to know the difference between right and wrong, how to behave, and what is expected from them when it comes to school and work. But they don't see the big picture! They don't understand the blood, sweat, and tears that were and still labored and sacrificed for them to sit in half-way decent classrooms and have some tools to learn. They do not understand that they are not getting this education for them but for someone else, opening the door for someone, encouraging someone else. All in all they just don't give damn about education!

So what is the solution? How do move these children out of learned helplessness and into a position of positivity and self-motivation? I don't know and many of colleagues do not know and many parents do not know and students alike do not know, so who the fuck knows?!?!? When will some of the variables in the equation start taking ownership for their role in the demise of the Negro in education? I know one thing Dr. Woodson was and still is right; welcome to the new miseducation of the Negro!

When Life Imitates Art

A few weeks ago I revisited one of my favorite past times, the theatre. A friend and I went to see the stage production of Oscar Wilde's only novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray. While watching the play it dawn on me how we has human beings imitate the beauty and sometimes twisted nature of art. Art is the outlet of dreams, expression of the soul, the vivid expression of creativity, but if you think about those same words can represent the very real images of life as well. In the play, the main character Dorian Gray is the object of affection to one of his friends, Basil. Basil paints this gorgeous portrait of Dorian however, it startles Dorian because it captures his innocence and youth. Like most of us, afraid of getting old, Dorian exchanges his soul to keep physical youth and have the portrait of himself take the beatings of life. While exchanging his soul Dorian also exchanges morality for condemnation and compassion for heart-less rage.

As the play progressed I realized, how true life really does imitate art. From 9/11 to the first man on the moon, both of those in their own right would be considered figments in someone's imagination, in fact Destination Moon was 1950 film about man traveling to the moon, 19 years later Neil Armstrong stepped his way into history books. Now granted those are two extreme examples of life imitating art, just observe and think about the everyday actions and images and connect them with the surreal world of art, but nowadays its seems the reverse, art is real, life is surreal.